Pregnancy and childbirth are options for all women. At least this is my view.
When we first got married, my husband and I had agreed to postpone the pregnancy. We wanted to get to know each other first and do a lot of things. Starting from college plans, to business plans. We even made various attempts to delay the pregnancy, but in fact I got pregnant unexpectedly.
For my husband and I, pregnancy and childbirth are choices, a phase that must be carefully planned. However, we are aware that pregnancy is not an easy process. Not only during pregnancy, including childbirth which exposes women to life and death, as well as responsibilities and readiness to care for and educate children.
Are pregnant and have children really prepared?
Conceiving and giving birth is a choice
Even though it wasn’t planned, I finally learned to accept the pregnancy and do what’s best for my pregnancy. Even so, there are still many people who comment because they know that at first I was not ready to get pregnant.
“You can’t procrastinate, it’s going to be difficult, you know.”
“The sustenance has already been arranged, don’t worry.”
“It’s called marriage, yes, you must have children, if you don’t want to have children, you don’t have to get married.”
That’s about the various comments that enter the ear only. Sounds painful. But nevermind….
During pregnancy I also experienced hyperemesis gravidarum (vomiting all food and drinks to dehydration), the symptoms are similar to GERD. At first I thought it was just GERD that had relapsed, but it turns out that the two diseases occur at the same time. I had to hospitalize twice.
Related Article: After Miscarriage, I Passed Pregnancy with Hyperemesis Gravidarum Kondisi
My stomach hurts so bad, I cry every day. A few minutes late eating my stomach immediately hurt and I immediately vomited even though no food was vomited, body fluids would definitely come out. The sad thing is that I am overseas, my husband works, so I was alone at that time. Around the house there is also only Padang cuisine, while this is food that is taboo for people with GERD and Hyperemesis.
It’s not enough to feel hyperemesis gravidarum, when I was about to give birth, my membranes broke first, but the opening was only 1 and a half. I’ve been feeling contractions since 11 pm, my water broke at 3 am. I went to the health center and waited for the opening. Unfortunately, the opening did not increase either, so I was referred to the hospital.
Until the opening of the hospital has not increased again until the evening. Contractions continue into the early hours of the morning until morning. At 6 in the morning the opening is still 3. The contractions continue to occur, I can’t move much because after the membranes rupture I’m prone to infection.
Between life and death, I thought I was about to die because the pain was unbearable.
At 10 am opening 7, 12 o’clock I went into labor. During the contraction process, I have asked for prayers to all the clerics and clerics I know, the family also keeps praying. Finally my son was born after 36 hours of contractions.
Related Article: 8 Tips to Increase Your Chances of Normal Childbirth that Mothers Can Do
The Challenging Childbirth Process Traumatized Me
To be honest, the process of getting pregnant and giving birth left me traumatized. I have not dared to meet pregnancy and childbirth again. I’m still afraid that it will happen again, and afraid that I won’t be able to get through it.
When I told this to my female friends in the whatsapp group, it turned out that my friends experienced the same thing. Almost all of them were traumatized. Some do not feel the contractions even after the HPL has passed. There was no feeling whatsoever until he had to operate.
There are also those who have anemia so they are prone to bleeding, it is very risky. Moreover, she is a midwife, she knows very well the risks, and of course often helps childbirth with various comorbidities. It also traumatized him.
It’s different with a friend who is pregnant with her second child. She wasn’t ready until she didn’t want to get pregnant. The ends. she went to various doctors to abort her womb.
At birth he planned normally, but did not feel any contractions at all. Finally, surgery had to be done. All he lived without mental preparation. It traumatized him too.
The story of the struggle of women giving birth does not end there. Lastly, there is a friend of mine who recently passed away. In her first pregnancy, she miscarried. The second pregnancy was very weak, but lasted until delivery, and now the child is 3 years old. After the birth of her first child, she wanted to do sterile family planning. But the doctor refused because he was young, maybe medical procedures were not allowed.
In the end, she became pregnant for the third time. His condition is very weak, he is often in pain. By the time she was 7 months pregnant, she was bleeding. He was rushed to the hospital but was refused because it was full during the pandemic. Finally someone received it, but the handling was too late. He also died at the age of 27, leaving a 3 year old son.
How pregnancy and childbirth is a process of life and death. For people who think that getting pregnant is a consequence of getting married, then for me it is a selfish thing. For those who think that if you don’t want to get pregnant, well, don’t get married, that’s also too naive.
The risk of getting pregnant and giving birth is death. We are grateful that we are always healthy during pregnancy, but the death of mothers during pregnancy and childbirth is a fact that cannot be ignored. Also about the severity of pregnancy with various diseases both congenital and appear during pregnancy.
There are many mothers who are pregnant and give birth with weak physical conditions. Responsibility when a child is born is also not an easy matter. Care, education, and fulfillment of physical and mental needs. If a mother is traumatized, what education will be taught to her child?
From my experience, including my closest friends, in my opinion, getting pregnant and having children is a choice and needs to be discussed carefully with my partner. Do not have children just because of social benefits, while we ourselves are unwilling and unable.